07.31.01 - 12:43 p.m.

Well.

well well well

it's been -

- a while.

i was standing in the coffee room this afternoon and i had a revelation. unfortunately, like most revelations it passed too quickly to be captured and snagged and woven into words. it was closer to a feeling, transient but somehow arresting about how things look from the otherside, or how something specific changes depending upon your angle of perception.

i know, pretty trivial stuff for a revelation. no doubt all the other revelators got great insights into god or demonmonkeys or at least relativity or gravity. those were useful, at least, gravity was.

and demonmonkeys would be, too. i'd put them to work. the oven needs cleaning.

but, since i'm not any of them, i'll just continue with that disclaimer: utterly trivial truth that everyone knows coming up. so, yes. stop rfom a different angle and watch the street from a bus, or walk the other way around your house and look at it as a stranger does, as a stranger does. someone who knows nothing of you, to whom it is just another house among thousands of whose life you are not the center.

or, something. i was standing pouring coffee, elbow resting on the spring water dispenser, glancing out the window and across and down so i could see the lunchroom, and V., our courier, getting herself a slice of red velvet cake. she didn't know i was watching, i didn't see her up close, and she was partially obscured by the wooden windowframes, the angle, the glare off the glass and the half-fallen blinds. she was so unaware of my scrutiny, and i was so aware of it, so aware of the distances, the advantage of height (one floor up) and solitude.

i'm not even beginning to describe it, not really. i want to know, i wonder what happens to the places we inhabit, when we leave. i mean - i KNOW what happens - but inside my head, why and how these things change. some are easy - i was intimidated by the receptionist when i came for a job interview. now i'm much more comfortable in all these halls, with all these people but sometimes i wonder how i can even make it through the day without knowing the weight of the air on a day long gone, or the sharp ugly and protective odor of Off on my skin walking through the woods at Fort Robodeux.