12.23.03 - 8:04 a.m.

I just received the worst thank you ever, in that it included neither the word thank nor the word you, and tacked on some explanation of presents and finances that was completely unnecessary. I don't know why some people see the holiday season as a war of attrition, where you have to match blow for blow, present for present, with something equivalent. It's not, and quite frankly, that sort of response completely diminishes the gift. I no longer feel vaguely good about giving the gift, now I feel vaguely sour and very whatever.

Oh, to be sure, I almost always make sure I give something to everyone who gives me something, but that isn't entirely true. Moreover, I don't feel some compunction to match value for value in gifts. Seriously - wtf is up with that?

If someone gives you something and you don't have anything to give them, say something like Thank you so much. or That was really thoughtful. Offer them a plate of homemade cookies - I only got one tin of homemade cookies this year, and I'm very happy to have received them. I realize not everyone is, but what's wrong with exchanging cookies? Also, little homemade ornaments - if they're pretty - are excellent gifts. If they're not pretty, give them to parents or grandparents, who have to like them. But if they're pretty - who doesn't like Christmas ornaments? I mean, unless you're Jewish or Muslim, in which case you can find something else small but vaguely meaningful, yeah? Or whatever: a nice note, that'd be a nice thank you.

Bleh. What-ever. The no-thank-you thank-you is still half-leeching the loveliness of the morning, though I suppose it cannot doom it entirely. Look: the sun, for the first time since Sunday. That doesn't sound impressive, unless you know that Sunday was the first showing of the sun in endless weeks. Winter is a gray time of year, here, and I'd almost rather have it as a white time of year. Almost. I mean, I'm just not prepared. If I lived in upstate New York, I would be completely prepared and that would make all the difference. I would be stoic, perhaps a little harder, with a noble remoteness, a self-sufficiency that comes from surviving the long winters there. Wouldn't I?

But, despite all that, I really am feeling festive. Look at my little imood indicator thingy. Isn't it cute? Awww. I like the upside-down smiley face because he seems to whimsical, but I haven't had much cause to use it lately. I suppose I still don't have much cause to use it, but I really am feeling a little bit festive, and I really do love Christmas, and I love that Christmas is this week, even if I'm not really ready, even if my apartment isn't really decorated, even if it's going to be a sad, quiet little Christmas this year what with my mom sick and my grandmother gone. And even if, really, I have to get rid of this virus before I'm allowed back at my parents' house.

Word to the wise: no chemotherapy, ever. Mom's really, really sick. She hasn't left the house for five days, and her gyn-onc is out of town. His nurse sent her to her PCP, so there she went yesterday, my mom. He gave her two shots and sent her home with antibiotics and antivirals. I suppose when you're on chemo and you have precisely two white blood cells to rub together and you're running a 103+ degree fever, doctors can go all-out, full-spectrum, everything. I'm sad and scared for her, and I would like to do something, but there's just not that much to do beyond checking in with her and helping out, and whatnot, and now that I've been banned from the house, there's very little to do. I tried to pry some requests from Mom and Dad to see if I could at least do some shopping for them, but no dice.

That's not the point, though. The point is: festive, Christmas, paper, lights, presents.

I like presents. I love presents. I love giving presents, picking out a few things, wrapping them in pretty paper, sprinkling the pretty paper with a bow or a perfect little bite-size piece of fantastic chocolate. How Martha Stewart-cheesy is that? Well, true, I don't make my own paper, and I'm sure that if I had kids I would buy the cheap paper, but now? When one roll will usually get me through the season? (Actually, I use tissue paper for larger boxes, etc. Anyway...) Now, I buy the expensive Hallmark paper from the Hallmark store downtown. Hallmark paper is ridiculously expensive, but it's lovely, heavy paper stock and it has this little grid on the inside, so you can cut in a more-or-less straight line.

I like gleaming paper. I have a plain, soft brushed/burnished gold this year. It's not my favorite paper ever - I think last year's paper was better - but it's fine. It's quite plain, but classy. I love metallics, but only when they're muted, soft color, like the rising sun lighting up a vein of granite in an exposed cliff.

Other Christmas trivia: my favorite Christmas special is Charlie Brown's Christmas, and my favorite Advent song is O Come O Come Emmanuel, and I love lots of Christmas songs, but I tend to like the older/different carols like Sing We Noel and Thou Little Tiny Child or whatever it's called ("Bye bye, thou little tiny child, bye bye loo-lee, loo-lay."), and that one that the Kingston Trio does called Children Go Where I Send Thee. Of traditional carols, my favorites are We Three Kings, Our Little Town of Bethlehem and What Child is This?

Finally, the funniest story I've heard this Christmas season was Bailey White's story on NPR about the town light display, somewhere in Georgia, which apparently included a wise man who looked too much like Osama bin Laden for some people's taste. If you're interested, go here and scroll down to Commentary: Third Wiseman.